The Mask of Un-forgiveness

It's Day 3 of our Hot Topic Week "The Masks We Wear" and I have received some great questions and comments about it. Yesterday I received quite a few in regards to forgiveness and being able to forgive those that have hurt or hindered you. This post was inspired by all the conversation and one in particular led to a breakthrough of why the cycle has continued.

We've all heard that forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for you to release the pain and hurt and to move forward with your life. Its sounds easy enough but its not. This young lady stated she had moved past the feelings of hurt and "why me," she understood it happened to her but did not define her, she also helps to speak with young ladies like herself to let them know "its not their fault." Commendable indeed, but when I asked about if she is still wearing the mask, she said "I don't feel as though I wear a mask as you say, I am past the why's and who's, its their issue no longer mine, I have dealt with those issues that I had that made me ashamed. But I am true to my feelings about my Mom and can not forgive her for allowing it to happen to me. She knew and I told like I was supposed to, but she didn't care. I don't speak with her and our relationship has never been the same but I have moved on. What's done is done"

It took me a moment to respond because, in that release, I felt her pain still there, I felt the hurt and betrayal she felt from the one person she needed to save her. I felt the longing of a relationship that every little girl needs. She's now a grown woman, but inside she's a broken girl. What they don't tell you about forgiveness is you have to be mentally and emotionally ready. You have to be mentally ready because you have to have seriously dealt with what happened to you. Believe that it was not about you, but the other person. Know that it happened to you but was never about you. You have to accept that what happened may have changed your life but you NEED to look for the lesson and learn from it, its a life lesson that you needed to learn in no other way. Emotionally, you have to have processed all the above, the need for revenge is no longer there, the why me and how, you no longer need an answer, all you want is release from the weight that it bears. Forgiveness is a process, but you have to be willing to go through it to move on. When you are unforgiving, you hold on to that hurt and anger, it eats away at you. It makes you bitter, oh you say, I'm not bitter, but the actions scream it out loud. "I don't speak with her" .... "I have moved on."  

People don't always know what they do, and they don't always know the extremity of the hurt they've caused. This young lady is missing out on her present relationship with her Mom, who she stated later that she misses her, needs her at times, wants her to have a relationship with her grandson, but it's those words "I can not forgive her" that is standing in the way. Her present is suffering, her future will suffer.

After awhile, the inbox messages became a phone call and this young lady admitted she has tried to forgive, but she doesn't know how... and there it is. We wear the mask of un-forgiveness because we don't know how to forgive and don't know where to start.  It starts with admitting it and then having a conversation about your true feelings. Removing the mask, admitting your feelings and committing to dealing with them. Forgiving is not easy, but its NECESSARY for yourself, NOT the other person. I am glad I was able to speak with and help this young lady. 

                                   

        

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