Here's a Quick Way to Get Unstuck!

Hey Everyone!

October is well under way and yes that even means cold weather and cold weather blues. I am such a warm weather girl, love the sun, beaches and fun activities of summer. When the cool fall weather arrives and leaves begin to fall, I get a little sad. The sun is shining less and the leaves are dying, soooo depressing, geesh. Want to know how I channel that negative energy into something positive?

I start setting goals for the next year and begin planning how to reach them. What if you don't have a goal in mind, you're thinking? That's ok too, I've written up a 4 Step Guide to Becoming a Positive and Effective YOU! and guess what it's completely FREE!!!  I have used these 4 quick steps to help me get unstuck from many things, not just cold weather blues. Do you ever feel like you're on a hamster wheel, running fast but getting nowhere? Are of the thinking you're taking a different path, but somehow ending up at the same destination? Yes, me too, but you don't have to stay on the hamster wheel and you can end up exactly where you want to be.

Learning how to GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE is one step that is necessary for you to grow to new levels! I am super excited to write this quick guide for you and I really hope you enjoy it. Be sure to let me know your feedback either on Facebook or Twitter, or drop a comment below, I'd love to read it!

Be sure to download your copy today and don't let the cold weather blues keep you stuck!









As always,
Be Candy Coated!

30 Days of Gratitude for September!

It's September and like last year I am doing 30 Days Of Gratitude for this month. I had probably one of the worst years I can remember in 2013 and although I was being blessed the daggers continued to fly, harder and with force. After reading an article by Sophia Nelson on how we must always recognize the things we have and be thankful,  I decided to take the full month of September and express gratitude for what I have. It not only changed my mentality, but my spirit and soul was filled.

It's only September 2nd so it's not too late to join in! Grab a jar and paper or a journal and get started. You can enter as many things as you like but the idea is to focus on the things your are grateful for.

Share with me on Facebook or post a pic on Instagram and tag @becandycoated or tag me on Twitter @candycoatedbags

Did you know...?

Word Fact: What Is the Difference Between i.e. and e.g.? http://blog.dictionary.com/whats-the-difference-between-ie-and-eg/

Sunday Reflections

Every day is a day to reflect on things that life has taught you, but I especially like Sundays. There is something about the peaceful spirit that a Sunday afternoon brings to sit and just..reflect.

One of the things I like to tell my girls during workshops is to always be open to new positive experiences. Inspiration to fuel your growth is everywhere, you just have to be open to receive it.

Make a promise to yourself this week to be OPEN, to see the differences outside of your comfort zone. Try a new dish, try a new hang out, do something you wouldn't normally do.

And Still She Rises... My tribute to Maya Angelou

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings was my first introduction to her. Over the years I selfishly thought of her as my own mentor, counselor, advisor, friend. Her words were magnetic and soothing to my soul during times of trials and tribulation. Although I know we can't hold on to those we love forever, I just imagined that as I continued to grow into my purpose, I would still have her around to guide me.

The power of one woman to connect so many. To touch so deeply and help to enrich so many lives. She lived her life gracefully, confidently and never wavering from her truths. Maya Angelou left a legacy that will forever be untouched, honored and preserved. One can only imagine God's joy seeing how magnificently she lived out His purpose.  Job well done, a life not only of success but of significance has been lived right before our eyes.

As she takes her seat among so many greats, her spirit and legacy continues to live in all of our hearts. May you rest peacefully Maya Angelou, your presence will certainly be missed.

Are you an Introvert? It's not a dirty word!

I've been doing some reading and research on Introverts. Can you believe that I consider myself an introvert? I used to get embarrassed easily for things that most people would consider second nature, like standing in line waiting to get my lunch in grade school. OMG I can remember in the 3rd grade being so embarrassed and shy just to stand there waiting. I felt like everyone was staring at me, I just wanted to go back to my table and sit and watch everyone else. But here's the thing, I was just more comfortable watching, observing others move about the cafeteria and thinking. There's nothing wrong with that, however society makes it seem like being an introvert is dirty, that we must change in order to fit in. No, quite the contrary, introverts are thinkers, the ones who create and invent; Albert Einstein, J. K. Rowling, Christina Aquilera are often connected to being introverts. 

"Be nice to nerds. 

Chances are you'll be working for one" 

- Bill Gates

"Introversion is an inward orientation to life and extroversion is an outward orientation. Though you probably use both introversion and extroversion one of these orientations usually feels more like home - more comfortable, more interesting and more energizing- than the other. Introverts tend to gain energy by reflecting and expend energy when interacting. Extroverts have the opposite preference; they tend to gain energy by interacting and expend energy while reflecting." - Excerpt from Introvert Power, Why Your Inner Life Is Your Hidden Strength

This is TOTALLY ME:  Introverts tend to gain energy by reflecting and expend energy when interacting. I am perfectly fine interacting with others but it is imperative that I have my solitude, quiet time to myself to think, process and reflect on things that just happened, people I've met and conversations that I've had. 

When I submitted and accepted my introversion, I found the core of who I really was. I am a thinker, I've always had ideas that were beyond what my peers could see. I've always been an observer, mentally learning from others without doing anything. I'm okay with that, its who I am. There are more people like me, but they'll just nod and smile and take mental note, saying "yes, I am not alone"



As always, 
Be Candy Coated!

Maximize Your CANDY Pieces!

5 Ways to maximize your CANDY pieces:

1) Surround yourself with positive people
2) Love your self - positive affirmations
3) Change your thoughts,  change your outcome
4) Do something different,  new experiences
5) Journaling - tell your truth

As always, Be Candy Coated! 

What are you waiting for?

We wait and wait for the right time, that right moment when the stars align, the moon is high, and all that other good stuff. But if you start, take a step and not wait for someone to say GO, you'll realize you were always ready. You have the power to start anytime you want.

As always,
Be CANDY Coated

To Be or Not To Be

Is it really easier to be someone that makes it easier for others to accept? Or hide something that others won't accept? What about the damage that its doing to you mentally and emotionally? Are your relationships a depiction of truth or based on a mask that you have introduced?

The Mask of Un-forgiveness

It's Day 3 of our Hot Topic Week "The Masks We Wear" and I have received some great questions and comments about it. Yesterday I received quite a few in regards to forgiveness and being able to forgive those that have hurt or hindered you. This post was inspired by all the conversation and one in particular led to a breakthrough of why the cycle has continued.

We've all heard that forgiveness is not for the other person, it is for you to release the pain and hurt and to move forward with your life. Its sounds easy enough but its not. This young lady stated she had moved past the feelings of hurt and "why me," she understood it happened to her but did not define her, she also helps to speak with young ladies like herself to let them know "its not their fault." Commendable indeed, but when I asked about if she is still wearing the mask, she said "I don't feel as though I wear a mask as you say, I am past the why's and who's, its their issue no longer mine, I have dealt with those issues that I had that made me ashamed. But I am true to my feelings about my Mom and can not forgive her for allowing it to happen to me. She knew and I told like I was supposed to, but she didn't care. I don't speak with her and our relationship has never been the same but I have moved on. What's done is done"

It took me a moment to respond because, in that release, I felt her pain still there, I felt the hurt and betrayal she felt from the one person she needed to save her. I felt the longing of a relationship that every little girl needs. She's now a grown woman, but inside she's a broken girl. What they don't tell you about forgiveness is you have to be mentally and emotionally ready. You have to be mentally ready because you have to have seriously dealt with what happened to you. Believe that it was not about you, but the other person. Know that it happened to you but was never about you. You have to accept that what happened may have changed your life but you NEED to look for the lesson and learn from it, its a life lesson that you needed to learn in no other way. Emotionally, you have to have processed all the above, the need for revenge is no longer there, the why me and how, you no longer need an answer, all you want is release from the weight that it bears. Forgiveness is a process, but you have to be willing to go through it to move on. When you are unforgiving, you hold on to that hurt and anger, it eats away at you. It makes you bitter, oh you say, I'm not bitter, but the actions scream it out loud. "I don't speak with her" .... "I have moved on."  

People don't always know what they do, and they don't always know the extremity of the hurt they've caused. This young lady is missing out on her present relationship with her Mom, who she stated later that she misses her, needs her at times, wants her to have a relationship with her grandson, but it's those words "I can not forgive her" that is standing in the way. Her present is suffering, her future will suffer.

After awhile, the inbox messages became a phone call and this young lady admitted she has tried to forgive, but she doesn't know how... and there it is. We wear the mask of un-forgiveness because we don't know how to forgive and don't know where to start.  It starts with admitting it and then having a conversation about your true feelings. Removing the mask, admitting your feelings and committing to dealing with them. Forgiving is not easy, but its NECESSARY for yourself, NOT the other person. I am glad I was able to speak with and help this young lady. 

                                   

        

Be Candy Coated
Join the discussion on facebook or post your comments, thoughts and feedback here. 
Tweet Me @Candycoatedbags and use Hashtag #RemoveTheMask
Follow me on Instagram @Candycoatedbags

Photo credits:
idlehearts.com
newspring.cc
fanpop.com

The Masks We Wear

Remember when you were a kid and you were asked what you wanted to be for Halloween? You would pick out the superhero of the moment or the doll of choice or the favorite cartoon character.  After that night of trick or treating, you played with the mask for a few days and then the excitement and thrill faded and like many other toys, tossed in the corner... Remember that?

Well, now that you're older, why do you still wear a mask? Why do you still hide who you really are inside? I see so many people who are as sweet as pie, but they wear mask that's hardened, hurt and evil on the outside. Is it to protect themselves, a defense mechanism?  Then there are those who pretend to be such angels, but inside their blood runs cold and will turn on you as soon as the sun goes down. Do you know people like this?


Let's go a little deeper. What about the little girl who was molested as a child, by an uncle, cousin, father, neighbor, etc. She's been threatened to not say anything, or maybe she did and was told she was a liar. Now she's got the guilt of what she's been through and now she believes she's a liar. That's a huge mask to walk around in at school, around friends or at work pretending that all is right with the world.  How about the woman or girl who is physically abused day after day by a loved one, physically and verbally abused. She thinks its her fault, because that's what she's told, but she's knows that it's not but she can't seem to do anything about it. She goes to school or work and pretends that her family is NOT dysfunctional, but she is quiet, meek and doesn't say much for fear that they too will abuse her. One hell of mask right there.

I think you are getting my point of the masks that we put on willingly, but are afraid to take them off for fear of what people may say, think or do.  The mask of hurt, the mask of shame, the mask of blame, the mask of someone who is NOT you.

    "When you hold onto your history, you do it at the expense of your destiny" - TD Jakes

Sometimes those masks hurt more than the actual emotions that you're dealing with. It takes time and energy to hide. You have to think about what you will say when someone asks questions. You have to remember the lies that you told to cover for the person that is hurting you, you have to always ALWAYS be on alert so that no one will expose your inner truth. I bet you're wondering how I know... I've been there, I've worn masks, yes plural, sometimes a few at the same time. The mask of physical, verbal and mental abuse, the mask of low self-esteem, the mask of "I'm not good enough," the mask of depression,  the mask of uncertainty, shall I go on?

    "When you put all your energy into hiding... your presence suffers. Your future suffers. Your           PURPOSE suffers." - Stephanie Valentine

It took me a very long time to recognize that hiding only hindered my growth, if I could go back to a younger me, I would have poured insight and unconditional love into myself so that I would know, I was worthy, I was enough, I was different because I was made to make a difference in someone else's life.  I didn't know that then so I wore a mask to hide how I really felt, unloved. The same way that some of you wear a mask now.

I recognize it instantly in so many of our youth and young women, I see past the masks, I see the real you, I empathize with you. Remove the mask, start speaking life and love into yourself. Expose the hurt, the lies and tell the truth that is within. Allow, yes ALLOW yourself to heal so that you can move on and discover who you were born to be. You have greatness within you, believe that every trial and mishap that has happened in your life has purpose to make you stronger and  to build character. Don't bury it, use it as your stepping stool to reach higher heights. We all have CANDY inside of us, Confidence, Assertiveness, Nurturing spirit, Diversity and a uniqueness that is only YOU. Remove the mask, its time to heal and show the world you are beautiful.


Be Candy Coated
Join the discussion on facebook or post your comments, thoughts and feedback here. 
Tweet Me @Candycoatedbags and use Hashtag #RemoveTheMask
Follow me on Instagram @Candycoatedbags